Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
