yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
