based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
