I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
