Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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