I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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