Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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