apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
