Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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