i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
