my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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