Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize