I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He felt like a one man threesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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