You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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