Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize