i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
