I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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