This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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