she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
