When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
