just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize