yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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