it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
