Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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