i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
