Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize