You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
