She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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