Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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