dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
