oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My balls are so social today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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