I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
