the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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