I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
