i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
