his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
