We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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