You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
