In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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