FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize