just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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