I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize