my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i drank out of a bidet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
