I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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