Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
