I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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