she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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