He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
