Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
