Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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