I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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