i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
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