What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
