You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
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