When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
