He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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