he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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