So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
