just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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