Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
