As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
