Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
