Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
