I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
