i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
