honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think my fart just growled at me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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