would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize