we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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