I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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