i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
