I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize