i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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