I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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