Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
