You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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