i just wanna soil my oats bro
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
