you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
