I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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