the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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