You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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