Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
