It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
