Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
