the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
