Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
