im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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