Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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