You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
