I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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